Zoe’s Daily Funny:
So last friday I was sitting at the foot of my bed watching tv. And Zoe comes up to me and wants to sit with me. So I pick her up and we’re sitting side by side with our legs touching. She looks up at me and goes:

Zoe: Umma and Zoe sit together and watch tv because we love each other! And then she just smiled up at me lookin’ all sorts of cute. I heard my ovaries gasp because I was so touched. So I put my hand on her thigh and caressed it while saying…
Me: That’s right Zoe! Mommy and Zoe love each other and that’s why we’re sitting together! She looks up at me with a blank face and goes…
Zoe: Don’t touch me.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
KILL JOY!
MOOD KILLER!
Feeling of love?
GONE! Out the door! BUH BYE.
What a nastly lil gijibae!

I felt soooo led on………I shoulda pushed her off the bed now that I look back on it.

So do you guys remember Operation Fatso? That was when Zoe was at 21lbs. She was 21lbs on her first birthday which was March 09. When I wrote about Operation Fatso it was 5 months later and no weight gain. I think my goal during that time was for her to hit 25lbs by September and I remember everyone was like “It’s hard to gain that much weight in one month Susan!” I think by the end of the year she was fluctuating between 21 and 22. Since Zoe has started school in March she has gained 4lbs! FOUR POUNDS! I put her on the scale last night and she hit 26.2. WOOHOO! Two weeks ago she was at 24! Her teacher said that because all her friends are eating in class she wants to eat when they eat and tries to eat all her food. She’s not always successful at finishing but at least she tries. See. It’s not impossible. She gained 4 in less than 2 months. Told ya! It can be done.

:: 01.31.10 :: Hanging at Home

So for Zoe I came up with petite mandoo. I’m not going to start a new blog for the new baby but I did want to come up with a lil special name for his/her own. I’m open for suggestions.

Oh my poor little baby number two… I have barely written about you. I bet you already feel neglected. Stop giving me heartburn and constipation problems and then we’ll talk. You have my number.

So the pregnancy started off ok. A lot of the symptoms were similar to when I was prego with Zoe.
-1 nengmyun craving
-slight meat aversion
-eating like a pig till I can’t breathe and just sit there panting
-fruits are especially yummy

HOWEVER!!! The heartburn this time is bad. I mean I had it with Zoe but this time it can be unbearable and last all day which makes me skip meals. It seems that now it’s progressed to my whole digestive process because this kid is making me constipated. I know you really don’t give two shits about my bowel movements but I really don’t care. I will go days without pooping and then all of a sudden when I have to go it’s soooooo hard. It’s like pushing a really fat kid through a lifesaver but you can only get it past his head. *sigh* I’ve been chewing tums like some sort of addict. Then the hubs read that one woman took so many tums while being pregnant that she ended up getting kidney stones. OH C’MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The hubs bought me Metamucil yesterday for my pooping situation. I must say, that shit is nasty. I only downed half a glass and I couldn’t bring myself to drink the rest. There has to be an easier way!!! There has to be! Is there like a Metamucil vitamin that I can just pop in my mouth?

Oh and the meat aversion is a lot stronger than the first time. Like I cannot be in a room where it stinks like someone just cooked meat. The hubs was grilling a burger outside yesterday but didn’t close the door to the deck all the way and I just had quarantine myself to the bedroom. I don’t really have morning sickness but I did throw up once but that was because my heartburn was so bad.

So people have been asking me how Zoe’s been adjusting to all this baby news. She’s actually really good. I think she’s ready to be a sister.We had a handful of pregos at the church and Zoe would point out their belly’s and say “Look Umma! It’s a ball! It’s a beeg ball!” And then I’ll say “What’s in the ball Zoe?” And she would reply “Eetsa baby!” Even with me she’ll ask me to sit on my lap and sometimes when I don’t want to because girlfriend is like super fidgety I’ll say “No Zoe, do you want to hurt the baby?” and then she’ll come over to my belly and say “I sorry baby. I wanna give baby a big hug.” and then she’ll hug my belly. Sometimes she’ll come up to my belly and say “whacha doin baby?! HUH!?” Her dad asked her if she wanted a brother or a sister. She replied “Bwahthuh” and he’s all like “YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!” and then she cut him off and said “No. No. Sista!” So then he tried to trick her and asked “Zoe do you want a boy or a girl?”  She said girl. Hahaha… I honestly want to wait on finding out the sex with this one. I’m not having anymore so this would be a great way to end my final pregnancy.

So when I first found out I was prego the kid was as big as an appleseed.

Then at week 9 it was about the size of an olive which was also when I got my first ultrasound. 

I was told there were no limbs formed yet. Just nubs.   


Then last week you were the size of a plum. I went in for a sequential screening. The doctor said that you were actually less than 2 inches. About 4.4cm. 

You were so active while we were looking at you and then you waved to me. I’m sorry about the nurse that kept poking at you. She was trying to get a better picture of you for the screening. Next time I’ll punch her in the face.

A guy woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover. Next to the bed was a couple of aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife ?

“Honey, there’s hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love, your wife?”

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He stumbles into the bathroom and notices a huge black eye. After shaving, he goes to the kitchen, and sees that the hall mirror is broken too.

His son is in the kitchen and as he’s eating his huge breakfast the guy asks his son what all this is about.

“Well, last night you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror and hit your head on the doorknob. Mom helped you to bed, and as she’s trying to get your pants off you kicked her away and said “Get off me lady! I’m married.”

So people have been sending me emails to write an entry. Ok fine! Here’ s your Zoe fix…

So I’m not longer listing her vocab words because now I’m actually having conversations with her. So I’m just gonna post the funny things she says.

Zoe’s Daily Funny:
We were driving to school this morning and she says…
Zoe: Umma I not clying today.
Me: Crying.
Zoe: Clying.
Me: No Crying.
Zoe: No. Don’t do that Umma. Don’t copy me.
Me: Hahaha I’m not copying you. You’re saying it wrong. Say crying.
Zoe: Crying
Me: Good Zoe.
Zoe: I not clying today.

So either I’m going to start dividing my entries, one for Zoe and one for baby, or I’m just going to have to start writing 2 separate entries for each one. I don’t want one to get jealous or hurt later on.

It is true when they say you have more photos of the first child then the second. I come from a family of 5 girls. Sarah, the oldest, has the most photos. In fact I think my dad purchased a camera because of Sarah. Then I came along and there are so many photos of us together. Then Hannah banana was born and we were like the 3 musketeers in all the photos with our hands over each other’s shoulders. So many photos of us standing in a row. Then numero quatro came, Esther, and she was a hairy baby. It took a while for Sarah and Hannah to accept her into our trio. I think they thought she cramped our style. I kinda took my little hairy sister under my wing and we became a 4-some. Now there were all these photos of the 4 of us. Finally Nancy came along and sure she’s got photos but you can clearly see that there were not as many. And as she got older she noticed as well. So much in fact, a few Christmases ago, she gave my mother a photo album as a present. In the album were photos of the family that she color copied. In the photos where there were just the 4 of us (meaning everyone except for Nancy) she had taken it upon herself to make color copied photos of herself, which she had cut out around her body, and then pasted into all the photos that she wasn’t in. Like you’ll see a photo of the 4 of us with her creepy head pasted in the back. It was funny and creepy sad. I mean this gift to my mom was basicallly a shrine like album of herself. She even copied the same photo of her face like 20 times, hand cut around each one of them and glued them as frames around some of the photos. Next time I go home I’ll take photos of her masterpiece. It’s funny, but sad. You’re sad Nancy. She gave this to my mom when she was in her 20′s. The no-photos-of-nancy-wound was apparently still deep even in her 20′s. So sad.

So I know I’m going to make Zoe a book of my entries and I want to do the same for baby dos. Kids are sensitive to favortism. My mom never showed favortism. Even if you ask her in secret she always says “I love Sarah. I love Susan. I love Hannah. I love Esther. I love Nancy. I love all my children the same.” BULLSHIT. I know it’s me.  Shut up guys. I know it’s me! LALALLALALA I CAN”T HEAR YOU! <—This was directed to my sisters who read this page.

So this one will be about my little Petite Mandoo, Zoe…

She’s seriously such a funny kid. In the evenings when her father brushes her teeth she grabs his hand to stop him every now and says “do it slowly”. I’ve even heard “Be gentle”. And it always makes us laugh for some reason. We’ve also been reading a lot more together. Actually she has no patience for some of them so I just ‘wing it’ Susan-style. For example, we’ve been reading Beauty an the Beast. Instead of actually reading her the story I just narate the story by looking at the pictures. So you know the part where Beast gets attacked by the wolves and then he and Belle go back to the castle and she tends to the cut on his arm? My version is “So Beast got a big aya on his arm and Belle is cleaning up his ouchie and because he’s a good boy she’s going to give him a Hello Kitty bandaid.” I remember the first time I did this the husband was watching tv next to us and he started laughing and goes “THE BEAST DOES NOT GET A HELLO KITTY BANDAID!!!! MOMMY’S MAKING IT UP.” I looked at Zoe like “Dude, daddy so does not know wassup.” Also if you now ask her what the Beast says when Belle finds the flower she responds in this demonic monster voice “DON’T TOUCH MY PLOWER!!!”  It’s magical. I love it.

Her memory is still amazing. I was kneeling down to help her put her shoes on while she stood up holding onto my shoulder and she said “Do you remember Oliver’s birthday party?”  I said “Do you remember Oliver’s birthday party?” She said yes. Oliver’s birthday party was in February.

Last week she was lying down while I was changing her diaper and she goes “Nobody listens to Zoe.”  I said “Zoe, mommy’s listening to you. What do you wanna say?” Then she started going into this toddler gibberish that there was no way I could decode. Maybe this is why nobody listens to Zoe? Where did she even learn to say that? Another time I was changing her diaper and she started to pick her nose. So I swatted her hand away and then she put her finger back in and then I swatted it again. She goes “Don’t push Umma! Be nice!”

So do you remember how she used to hate, hate, hate going to the doctor’s? It is sooooooooooooooooooooo different now. Zoe and her doctor have a special relationship. She loves him. She talks about him from time to time at home. When he is brought up she says things like:

“Dr Han is sooo funny.”
“Dr Han clean Zoe ears and I crying crying crying. But I ok”
“Dr Han give Zoe sticker.”
“Dr Han take Zoe tempatur.”
“Dr Han write something about Zoe.”
“Dr Han give Zo shot and I crying crying crying.”
“I wanna give Dr Han a big hug.”
“I love Dr Han.”


And when we go to the Dr’s office he’ll come out after seeing a patient and it’s not even her turn but she’ll run to him and they’ll hug each other and she’ll give him a kiss and while he’s filling out paper work for his other patient he’s holding her.  I think one kid’s parent asked once if that was his daughter. He was holding her and laughed and said “No she’s my patient.” Those two make me sick. Hahaha. It’s actually pretty cute though. His wife sometimes fills in for the front desk and she was telling me how sometimes he’ll come home from work and he’ll tell her he saw Zoe that day and she gave him a hug and a kiss and she was like “I want a hug and a kiss from her too!”

Well, she’s in for a special treat today because we have to go see him and she doesn’t even know.  She’s been coughing only at night or during her sleep this whole week. Last night she drank her milk and then assumed her position for bedtime. She was facing her dad and I heard her coughing. Then I heard her say “I spill it. I spill it.” I reached over to pat the bed by her to see if maybe she had spilled her milk from before. I reached right into a pool of puke. She threw up from the coughing.  Hopefully it’s nothing serious.

:: 03.19.08 :: Zoe’s 2nd Birthday

:: 03.03.10 :: Hide And Seek w/ Daddy
       

:: 03.06.10 :: Date Night
 


:: 03.15.10 :: First Day of School (When I went to pick her up)
I brought her friend
       

:: 03.17.10 :: New Tinkerbell Sunglasses
I think Zoe’s favorite accessory are sunglasses. Hands down.
       

I know. Shut up. I slacked. I have not been on since March 15th. This is by far the longest I have gone without blogging. I feel like mourning or something. Haha…

LIFE
Dude I’ve been tired. So very tired. Like I need mid-day naps kinda tired. Like Calgon take me away kinda tired. Like pregnant tired. I’m 10 weeks bitches. 32 more to go!

A few weeks ago a friend’s husband had a heart attack and went into cardiac arrest. His heart stopped. They revived him and he’s ok but it’s like SHIT! He’s only 32. I think it’s just a wakeup call when you hear things like this happening to people you know. Life is so precious and so very short. People take their health and diet for granted. Me included. I just finished a 5″ apple pie in 2 sittings. Ok not by myself. I let my husband take 2 bites. I share. It’s so easy to get into that mentalilty where you think “it’s not gonna happen to me” and you keep living the life that you’ve been living with no changes. I thank God for my family. You don’t realize how important family is till you have one of your own. In a way I do think it’s good that this friend had a heart attack because I think he’s now going to make the life changes that he needs to to live a healthier life. I prayed for you guys I hope you know!

WORK
I started my new job at LG. I rike a rot. It’s a lot different from when I worked at Amex but nothing beats my commute. I can pick up Zoe in 15 minutes! It’s like magic yo! I feel like I can just wave my middle finger…er i mean my magic wand and then POOF I’m there. Plus I get 45% employee discount! It’s a shame really because I don’t really need anything except for a dish washing machine. And my boss. I really, really like him. One because he doesn’t seem to be a bullshitter. Two because he’s a family man. He’s been out of town since last friday and he’s leaving for an overseas business trip directly from his other trip so during his layover he called to check up on me. I asked him how he was doing and he said he missed his family and as soon as he said that I just thought “I like this man.” When his wife calls he drops what he’s doing if he can that is and takes her call. Like I LOVE THAT. Your job is important and you can always get another one but you’re family is irreplaceable and you’re nothing without your family. He gets that and I respect him so much more because of it. He makes her a priority.

STALKER
So let’s talk about Zoe, my lil punk daughter. She is officially in her terrible two’s. She’s like SOOO bratty now. *sigh* And she is ALLLLLLL about mommy. Like she and I will be cuddling in bed saturday morning and then her dad will hear us talking so he’ll scoot on over to her other side to spoon her and all of a sudden puts up her hand to stop him and starts saying “um exCOOOSE ME. EXCOOSE ME ahpah. Don’t touch.” So then he’ll push her in the shoulder while he turns his back to her and I hear him mutter “jerk” and Zoe retorts back “Don’t push me! Don’t push me!” while putting her hand to her shoulder as if she’s been seriously wounded. *rolling my eyes*  And it’s like every time he tries to help me all I can hear in the background is Zoe’s whiney voice….

“No Umma change diaper! Umma do it!”
“No Umma brush teeth! Umma do it!”
“No Umma pick me up! Umma do it!”

All I hear is WHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINEWHINE. The whining has got to stop. It’s killing me.

I’ll say ”Zoe ahpah’s sad. Give him a big hug!” She goes “I give umma a beeg hug. Hug hug hug.” Somewhere in the background I hear the words “jerk” muttered once again. Hahaha… And it’s always “mommy pick me up! mommy pick me up! mommy pick me up!” S.O. A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G. Now don’t get me wrong. She’s still really sweet. She was sick last week and one night she woke up at 3am, crawled over to me and put her head next to mine so that our noses are only about an inch apart from each other. We’re just lying in the dark staring at each other’s face and then she started coughing on mine so I turned away and she grabbed my face and turned it towards hers and says “look. look at me umma”  and then she starts petting my face really softly and she says “Niiiiice, niiiice. I like umma’s face.” I said “Aww. Thank you. I like your dirty hands that you picked your nose with on my face.” Then she starts coughing on my beautiful nice face so I turn away and she grabs it again and goes “look at me umma.” I said “if you want me to look at you then stop coughing in my face bossy.” She totally disregards what I say and  goes “Nose kiss” and then rubs her nose with mine. She was just so cute and so yummy. Hahaha.

She’s also really girly. In the mornings after I’m done tying up her hair she always says “I sooo pritty.” coughcoughconceitedcoughcough. I always respond back, “You aite.”

Last saturday we went to Parisenne cafe in Fort Lee, NJ to grab some breakfast. Her favorite, favorite pop song is Single Ladies by Beyonce and when she wants you to play it she’ll say “Play Uh oh oh.” Well while her father was holding a table for us Zoe and I were picking out our baked goodies and the damn song came on inside the bakery. I turned around to see how she was reacting to it and she froze in the middle of the floor, looked up at me smiling, and said “all rah single lady, uh oh oh” and started doing some toddler tribal booty bopping dance.  Oh and can I say I found my prego sandwich fix this day. It’s their egg salad with ham and cheese on toasted white bread. Effin A man that shit was good. I got two. I’m a fatty. I have thought about that sandwich every day this week since.

So for the past 3 weeks she has cried every day that I have dropped her off at daycare. It’s funny cause when we’re a block away she’ll say “I see Zoe’s school!” And I’ll say “Me too! What’s your school’s name?” She goes “mutard seed!” On tuesday I took her out of her carseat and I said “Zoe are we gonna have a great day today?!” She goes “YEAH!” And then she started talking to herself while shaking her index finger as if to scold herself and kept saying “I no crying. I no crying.” Then she ran in and gave her teachers a hug. I was so proud. Even yesterday, no tears. She jumped on her teacher’s lap so they could eat breakfast together.

The talking is non stop. She talks SO MUCH. It’s like SHUT UP ALREADY! Hahaha… Around her birthday Cousins Josie and Ellis came down to stay with us from MA. One morning Zoe woke up and was playing with Josie. Ellis this morning was VERY intrigued by Zoe and kept following her everywhere!! Like E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. and like super close to her too. All we heard all morning was Zoe’s voice directed at Ellis. “EHCOOSE ME! NO TOUCH! I DON”T LIKE. EHCOOSE ME. Go away.” At one point I even heard her whip out her Jafar (from Alladin) line to him and I knew she was frustrated when she did this because she never used this line on anyone except to just quote Jafar if I asked her. She turned to him and said “Don’t toy with me!” I knew girl meant business. Hahaha… The longest sentence I ever heard her say was last week. We came home to find a box on our console table. I was just thinking outloud and said “I wonder what this is?” while I slipped off my shoes. Zoe answers back “It’s a present.” I said “Oh yeah? You think so?” She goes “I think it’s a present for Zoe.” SEVEN WORDS! Sure they’re not 3 syllables each but it’s still seven effin words. I was so proud. Hahaha… Only a mother would react to these things in this manner. Hahaha….

Man. I really missed this. Blogging. In the words of Ursula the seawitch “My dear, sweet child. That’s what I do. It’s what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.” Ok I guess you should leave out the merfolk part because then it just wouldn’t make sense. But I really do miss this.

So I’ll leave you with one photo. The week I found out I got the job at LG was the same week I found out I was prego. Since the hubs and I had that dinner date I told him with a photo. One was a photo of the LG Logo and the other one was this…

(Yes, yes I made her wash her hands since I peed on the stick. Calm down.)

That was a great date just because of all the good news I had to share.

Man you have no idea but I REALLY missed blogging. It’s seriously one my guilty pleasures besides taking photos.
Oh also quick shoutout to blog readers Franny + Jenny who I met at Mitsua!!! It was really nice meeting you guys. And thank you for finding me so amusing because my family doesn’t.